Her Land of Dreams
by Lyllias
Summary: She knows she can't return because it's gone.


Gaah, I do hate this little piece so much ! Started it today, finished it today and it's so .. so ...

_Bad._

No really, I am so unsatisfied ! Oh, but the strange grammatical stuff is on purpose ..

Ah well, a little story before the events of the first game that I wrote for a friend~

Disclaimer: I do not own American McGee's Alice nor Madness Returns.

* * *

"Father, O father ! what do we here

In this land of unbelief and fear ?

The Land of Dreams is better far

Above the light of the morning star."

[William Blake]

* * *

Everything is perfect as it is.

Indeed, things couldn't be lovelier at the moment. She's here– smiling, laughing. Simply as happy as it is possible to be. The sun is shining down upon her, she feels the warmth on her skin, sees the pure light through her eyes. Above her the sky submerges in the deepest blue, makes it seem as if there's an ocean hovering over her. She thinks it's beautiful. Flowers dancing in the gentle breeze, trees whispering with soft voices. Even the birds are singing, yes, such wonderful songs that she wishes she could sing them as well as they do. But she slowly returns her attention back to what's before her.

Her friends.

They talk, they make jokes. They drink, they eat. They simply have fun. Together. She's not alone here, never was. This is her place of safety– her place of _perfection. _It is what she wants, where she hides when darkness creeps into her world. She feels secure here even though this place may seem strange. It's alright, really. She's grown used to it. It was curious at first but is no longer, no, it's normal now. Talking plants, odd liquids making one grow or shrink and people so weird. It's amusing. She's not afraid, not here.

Her small hand reaches for the cup on the table as the three other persons around her start to cackle again. Sometimes they speak rather odd but that's just how they are, peculiar. She smiles warmly as she watches them talk. The table is large enough so that there's place for a lot of people. But usually it's just the four of them. Oh, and the tea and the cake, there's so much they're never able to finish everything quite. It's okay for there's always a new party. No, actually it just never ends. Yet she can't stay here the whole time, she has to leave sometimes but she knows she'll return.

To this land of wonder.

She tries to drink from her cup, saw her friend pouring tea into it just moments ago. But it's empty, how strange. And yet she's used to the oddness of this place, she's fine with it. She loves it as it is. Yes, it's how she wants it to be, it's her dream, her secret world she can visit whenever she closes her eyes in the other. Her eyes have a lovely colour, a mesmerizing greenish one and they look thoughtful at what the table presents them. Delicious cake of all sorts, tasty cookies in all sizes, wonderful tea in the most different flavors. And there are strawberries, there are cherries, apples, pears, oh it goes on and on and she can't decide just what to take. Again her small hand reaches for something but, oh my, it suddenly is no longer what it was before, instead it turned into something so curious. Is it a bug ? Or perhaps it has simply grown legs and is no more but a walking dessert ?

Her sweet lips turn into a smile so pretty, so beautiful and she is happy to be here. There is still so much that suprises her, things so strange, they make her wonder, they make her laugh. Nothing harms her here, there's nothing she fears. And she cherishes every moment because here everything is alright.

They keep on talking, keep on cackling and she doesn't even understand half they're saying but it's okay, all of this makes her smile, makes her so unbelievable joyous. Even the birds start giggling and now she can hear the flowers sing in most magical ways, continuing where the birds have stopped. It's such a fabulous sound gracing her ears and she can't stop listening to their wonderful song. She hums the melody in her head and feels herself embraced by such ease, oh how she never wants it to stop. This fairy tale of hers.

But they're meant to end someday.

"You there, you there ! Over there !" He clasps his hand and looks at her with a sly expression. "Look, I have something for you." The Hatter has become a dear friend to her but he still makes her become so irritated. And suddenly the Hare chimes in with nothing but pure curiosity in his eyes. "What is it ?" The little man snaps and she swears having noticed his hat spin around that very moment. "It is not for _you_ !" The Hare puts on such a sad face she doesn't know if it's real or not. He moves a hand, or rather she thinks, a paw to his chest while gasping at the Hatter's remark. "But why ? Don't you like me ?"

She so very badly tries to hold back a small giggle, these two always end up in arguments like this one. The Hatter regards his furry friend with narrowed eyes and speaks his next words ever so slowly. "You are too mad." Such strange behavior, she thought it scary at first. But does so no longer. "Oh no !" He shrieks and his hurt expression is quickly gone. And just one second later his face is as calm as it could ever possibly be and he puts his paw back on the white tablecloth, trying too smooth it though there isn't even one single wrinkle. "I tried to be better, but it's this time of the year again, you know." The man's answer is short and precise and he sticks his nose up in the air. "I don't." She smiles at them, can't stop but think it's too amusing. "Well, look at your clock then !" But the Hatter becomes so desperate in a flash that she wonders if he might be exercising for a very dramatic performance. "I can't ! I've lost it !" It's not a moment later that the Hare is suddenly obviously shocked and he opens his mouth so very wide. "Why ?"

"It ran away." She cocks her head slightly in wonderment. It's such an odd thought, but not to them, no, they are too serious she thinks. "Why didn't you catch it ?" What a strange question, clocks aren't even supposed to walk. Or are they ? "I tried. But it was so fast and before I could even take one step it was already tea time again ! Little beasts, they always change time so that I cannot chase them." Such nonsense, it always makes her head spin a little. Yet she smiles nevertheless and it's a warm, a loving smile. "But, dear Hatter, it is always tea time." The Hare regains his calm expression and the little man shoots him a bright smile. "I know ! That's why I can never get them !" Both of them burst out laughing and she again didn't truly understand what they were even talking about.

They stop as abruptly as they started laughing and she doesn't even notice that everything becomes just as silent. The Hatter's eyes slowly widen and he turns his head towards the little girl, staring at her, his words almost nothing more than a whisper. "I have something for you .." She smiles and waits for him to go on. But he doesn't. He sits there, as if he was nothing but stone and the Hare is staring at her in the same way. They move no longer. Just stare. Stare at nothing but her. But she doesn't notice, is too young, too innocent, doesn't _see_. Pink lips move and emit such sweet words.

"What is it ?"

"It's a riddle." Her smile starts to change, starts to fade. She blinks, she heard his voice but she did not see the Hatter's mouth open. He still sits there, staring, and she feels the air becoming colder, stronger. The sky is no longer blue but starts to turn into an ugly grey and clouds much darker appear everywhere. But wait, they don't look like real clouds. They are black and reek of something and they are too fast, too close. And with each passing moment she realizes. The trees are nothing more but bony skeletons, the flowers long dead and everything appears so rotten, so tainted. Her friends still sit inbetween growing shadows and the look they give her, she can't turn away from it and yet it makes her blood freeze because she can see them _screaming_. No, this can't be– this isn't right.

It's so very wrong.

And she hears them, hears their voices, their screams pierce through the enveloping darkness around her. They don't move but their agonizing cries are everywhere and she doesn't understand, just why, what is going on ? This can't be her world anymore, it's nothing but a growing nightmare and _it's not right. _It's too cold and her body starts shivering and she tries to breathe but she can't, the air is too thick, too bitter. She can't stop herself from coughing, it's like she's starting to suffocate but no, that can't be. This is not reality. _This is her place of safety._ Ever so slowly, she opens her eyes but they burn too much and the black clouds are everywhere around her. But suddenly there is a light and she looks up and she wishes she could _not see. _It's there, in front of her– it's on top her friends. And it becomes bigger, ripping their clothes apart, biting into their skin and it _eats them, _claws at their faces, makes their bodies melt, _burns them_. And it stinks and there's too much, too much blood and too much flesh and she wants to scream- but she can't– it's a dream-

_It's perfection_.

Nothing's real– it never was– but it's-

_It's a fairy tale._

It's not right, it's a mistake– it's not her world, not her dream-

_It's her wonderland._

She wakes up in her bed, nightgown soaked with sweat. Her breathing is too uneven and she shakes, shakes so much but her heart's beating much faster. And she hears them. But it can't be. She's awake but she _still hears them_. They cry and shout and she hears them burning, hears the fire eating through their flesh. It won't leave her thoughts, she can't stop thinking– seeing it. But, no, it should be alright because she's no longer dreaming and it's okay, she's not there but here. Yet they don't stop screaming. She raises her hands, pushes them over her ears and closes her eyes but it won't go away. It's too horrible, the things she saw, they appeared to be so real but she tries to believe that they weren't. She digs her fingers into her hair and her body urges her to take another deep breath but she can't– she can't because- it's too thick, too bitter. Her eyes snap open and, no, they shouldn't be here but _they are_. Black clouds smelling of nothing but death. They crawl closer, too close, from under her door, from the floor, from where the others are. No, _no_, it can't be because they are not supposed to be here. But they are, right in front of her and they chase away the cold and suddenly she no longer shivers because it's _hot_ and she doesn't understand. Her eyes become big and scared and she doesn't know what's going on. Why are they here ? She isn't dreaming, she's not. Or is she ?

Her feet touch the ground and she doesn't even know what to do but something is not right and she needs to know, needs to know what's happening. She trembles and the voices are still there. But it's not her friends anymore. It's not, it's– it's a lie and it can't be true because it is wrong– it's an illusion, it's a dream and she's still– she must be-

But she is not.

She is awake and she is in her family's house. Her hand grabs the doorknob and she suddenly hesitates. She hears them, but it's not _them_. It's pain and desperation, it's skin slamming against wood and nails clawing at walls. Yes. She hears them, but it's not her friends burning, _it never was-_ it's her parents. It makes her heart stop, makes her mind go blank and she thinks no longer. She opens her door and there is nothing. There is smoke and fire but _there is nothing_ and they are not here but somewhere, _not here_. She hears her mother screaming, hears her father shouting through the flames but she can't see them and they can't be here because it wouldn't be right. There's only fire, everywhere, consuming all she ever knew and loved. But it's alright _because it's a lie_.

Everything becomes silent but she doesn't notice, is too young, too innocent. The fire grasps her nightgown but she does not move, just stands there, stares at something which isn't there. And it devours the thin material, jumps onto her skin and _it can't be right _because it's too hot and too painful but she can't move. She can't go because she needs to wake up. Her body is nothing but stone and she just stares. It'll end soon, this is but a bad dream, _and they are meant to end someday_. And slowly, everything starts to fade. She doesn't realize her body turning, doesn't realize her feet walking. She should already be awake but she isn't and yet she is but– but ..

Glass is shattering all around her, cutting into her bruised skin but she won't feel anything at all anymore.

And her small body falls down. _Falls down the rabbit hole._

She can't feel the impact on the ground. _Because she's not falling but rather floating. _

Her skin is burned and torn. _But there isn't a scratch, she's landed in a soft chair. _

There's no strength left to get up, she's too weak, she's bleeding._ Yet she follows the white rabbit as quick as she can. _

Her vision is blurred and she can't see much anymore._ But there is a beautiful garden behind the door and she wants to go there._

_Yes. That is right ..  
_

"_I have something for you._"

"_What is it ?"_

"_It's a riddle._

_I am always hungry, I must always be fed,  
The finger I touch, will soon turn red .. "_

"Fire .." Her bleeding lips murmur ever so softly and the snow around her turns redder with each passing second. It's almost completely dark around her yet her tired eyes still perceive something. _Orange_, yes, it's like an orange vortex to her feet, where her home should be, piercing through all the black in front of her. Maybe it's her wonderland. _It needs to be._ Calling for her, trying to reach her to get her out of this nightmare. _Then it's alright._ But she suddenly notices shadows looming over her. Is it her friends ? Or her family perhaps ? No, it's an illusion because they're scarred and twisted and they're _wrong_, and they grin and they laugh and they _scream _and they come closer, too close but it's _okay_ because she knows -

She knows she can't return because it's _gone_.

All of it.

It's gone, burned, dead and it's a lie but it's true and it can't be, it can't be right but it is because -

She smiles and closes her eyes, everything going numb and quiet. And it's okay, really.

She's happy and she doesn't want it to end because now she can't see, can't hear nor feel. Yes.

_Everything is perfect as it is._

* * *

**R&R **;)


End file.
